My Pensieve

The Cycle


This is a cycle.
I do something.
Or maybe I don’t something.
I usually have no clue what it is that I’m doing or not doing.
I don’t know the repercussions of my action or inaction.
I’m kinda clueless that way at times.
But then by that action or inaction, I end up hurting someone.
That someone is usually a good friend.
Even a best friend.
But that friend doesn’t tell me.
Until later.
By that point the hurt has probably brewed.
When I’m told, it hurts me.
I didn’t mean to do the thing or not do the thing on purpose to hurt them.
Do they even realise how hurt I feel for having unwittingly and unconsciously hurt them?
Can they not forgive me because the sorrow is not false or pretentious.
But it takes time for that hurt to get by.
On both ends.
By that time I remember how I’ve easily forgiven the other so many times in the past never once revealing how much the other person’s action or inaction had hurt me.
But why should that matter to the friend?
They are hurting.
Because of me.
I’m never a victim.
Always the bad guy.
And so I push people away.
If they aren’t ready to be as forgiving as I have been, should they be in my life.
This is the cycle.
How to lose friends and alienate people.

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