New Year Old Pangs

I still consider it New Year’s Day, even though it is 1:20am of 2nd January as I type. I have been trying to sleep, and end this day, but I fail. Insomnia and minor hurts of the day revolve around – with their insignificance in comparison to the grander hurts of world (hunger-war-environmental destruction) – in a vicious cycle in my head. Out tumble some tears, but what of it? I did not intend to start the New year with sadness, but does the world ever adhere to ones wishes? I envy those people who are allowed happiness. Because if I’ve learned anything today, it is that there will always be people to ruin it for you. They will fat-shame you. They will make your dreams feel insignificant. They will crush the joy out of what makes you happy. They will trash your life decisions as garbage. They will even make your singlehood your fault.  And these are some of the most important people in your life. How do you escape what they say? How do you ignore them? In 2015 I think I was a happier person. I’m not sure I ever was happy, actually. I think I deluded myself into thinking that I was. I don’t know if I will look back at this entry at the end of 2016 and bah-humbug it, but I intend to try reaching that goal.

1 of 366 Happyness: Vanilla ice-cream with chocolate sauce after a dinner of wholewheat noodles at IIC.

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